The Decision

It’s funny when it comes to a point in your life where you have to make a big decision in a matter of one or two days…a decision that will affect the rest of your life and career. I have such a decision to make today. I had a final interview for a temporary assistant planner position at Steve Madden. They offered me fifteen bucks an hour and an employee discount to start on Monday. They’re not sure if they can sponsor me, and they’re not sure they’ll even have a position open that I qualify for in three or four months time. I really like the people I’d be working with but there’s all that uncertainty. I have to tell them on Wednesday. I also had an interview with Abercrombie & Fitch for an actual training program, who have a legal department and do sponsor. They are getting back to me at the end of the week for a second interview. It’s merchandising, so it’ll be very product-involved…and let’s face it, nobody merchandises quite like they do! It’d be an amazing experience, although it does involve me moving away from my beloved New York.

The fact is this: do I take instant gratification and delay the resolution of the ongoing uncertainty in my mind? Do I appease my need to do something now? Do I take what I can for the experience? Who’s to say I will get the Abercrombie job, or any other job? The fact is when you’re not a citizen or green card holder, as I’ve learned, all bets are off. What if I do take this, and then in October am stuck again? What if I don’t take this, and never get a job? What if, what if what if??? All I know is I can’t take the uncertainty any longer. I’ve been uncertain all this time…I don’t want to be uncertain anymore.

What is the best way to make a decision like this? How can you decide between something that is definite but temporary and something that is indefinite and long-term? The unknown is sometimes scarier than the known - at least the latter is tangible. But does that always mean we take the safe route? When is taking a risk the right thing to do? And when is it not? It is this of which I am not sure. Why do we fear the unknown? What makes us anxious and nervous? Why can we not just let go and trust in God that he will lead us the right way? Worries creep in, uncertainties persist and anxiety swells till it is all-encompassing. It messes with your head after some time. Then you can't tell what fear is real, and what is imagined.